I have not been here in a while... Somethings are still hard... Still involved in the courts... Somethings are new and good... Met a wonderful woman, who lives in MI (right now....)... Somethings keep going... I'm still working where I have been.... Somethings are not as good as they were... I'm still at the same church, but not as involved as I have been...
Faith... it keeps me alive... I don't understand why some things are as they are in my life, and I have really wrestled since the end of August 2008... [I am growing to detest my birthday, it has brought very bad things the last two years...] I am not always sure that God considers me one of His children.... and when I mess up and sin, I feel even more like this is the reason that the bad things are so bad... But I am still searching for the place where I feel that I am walking in a way that God wants me to walk...
In that light, I'm here tonight to ask.. How involved do you think God is in the details of our lives?
I am reading this book "reaching for the invisible God" by Yancey. In it he talked about his feeling that God does not care about my decisions as long as they don't go against the things that God plans to do in the world.
I spent time talking to a pastor friend of mine about this, and his feelings is that this is true. He likened it to parenting a child. We let kids make decisions about things, as long as we feel that the decisions won't hurt them. And I can see this.... I did it with my son... at a young age, we would let him pick what he wanted to wear, even when it did not look so good. But... is that what God does?
Here's what I think:
Today I was power washing for a few hours and I began to think about this. I think God does care. God is not trying to teach me to be independent and not need Him. I want to teach my son to make good decisions, and I do that by letting him make some that I wouldn't make, and let him deal with consequences of those decisions. I watch over him. As he gets better at making good choices, I give him the freedom to make bigger decisions. He is now on his own, and I hope he is making good decisions...
There is a difference when it comes to me and God... When kids are born, they are totally submissive, they are totally reliant. As they grow, they get less and less submissive to their parents, and more self reliant. When I surrender my life to God, I am supposed to get less and less self reliant, and more and more submissive... The more submissive I am the more of the little things that I ask God to direct my life in...
Ok that's what I think... all this because I am trying to understand the ruling from the court, and make good choices in the new loving relationship that has started...
What do you think? Does God care about things like who we marry, where we work, what car we drive, what cloths we wear, and more...?
---me
