June 25, 2009

Hi,
I am not able to get to see mom today. I'm very tired.

--me

June 24, 2009

Hi,

Today when I got there to see mom, she was out in the living room listening to a guy who was playing his guitar. He played well and the music was soothing. Mom was dozing. She seems to do that more and more, particualrily after lunch. The staff didn't say what kind of morning she had, but the time I was with her she did not cry much today. After the guitar guy stopped playing, I took mom for a stroll.

Because she was so drowsy I asked if she had recieved adivan today... From what I could get from the med tech, it does not seem like she got one of them today (yet).

The property has a pond with a large spraying fountain. I like the fountain. So I tend to walk mom over there a lot. She is in a wheelchair now so it's a pleasent walk for us.

[ I fought getting the wheelchair for her. I don't like the idea that she will give up trying to walk. But it seems much easier on her and she is more willing to go out in the chair than when she was shuffling every place.]

Mom dozed on our walk. I'm going to start taking a book to read to her. Someone told me that the sound of a familiar voice will be a comfort as she continues to decline, and I am just not able to talk about things with her right now, so reading will be easier. After about a half hour out on the walk, we headed back to the room. Since she was dozing, I figured it would be better to get her to her room. As we went back in the care givers were preparing to take residents out on a bus ride. At first I didn't think mom would want to go, but when we got back to her room, she woke up and I asked if she wanted to go. The care givers were happy to see her willing to go, so I let her go.

The care givers at Woodland Terrace, are mostly great. They know the residents and really work hard at connecting and befriending them. That is great, and great comfort to family members like me. It would be so easy to stick mom in her room and ignore her, and they don't. I like that.

Mom ate well at lunch, from what I could see of what she was wearing from lunch. She had jello... it was all over her fingers and face.

Mom was not talkative today at all... not angry, not tears, but no smiles...

I have a clock radio for her room. It will play an Ipod and has dual alarms on it. I'm going to try to get more music into her life. She likes music. I'll set the alarms up to go off a couple of times in the day for her, and load an iPod with hymns for her. I hope she likes it.

--me

June 23rd, 2009

Hi,
I think I'll try to keep track of the things that are happening with mom here. Monday last, she was admitted to the Hospice program. This is because she has entered end-stage dementia. If you know the FAST scale, she has started to show signs of stage 7.

Yesterday, my wife and I took her regular bed out of her room. Hospice had recommended a hospital bed for her. That was nasty, for the rest of the day and night we smelled that bed... what a mess it was.

Today I met the hospice chaplain. He was nice. Mom was pretty out of it. She had a hard morning. Lots of tears and very unconsolabe, so she had recieved an adivan dosage. It helps to reduce the tears, but nocks her out too. Anyway, the chaplain and I talked, and we prayed together for mom.

I try to see mom at lunch time rather than go walking... It's showing on me too.. ;-) Some days she is chatty, others she simply cries. Breaks my heart knowing how smart she used to be, and knowing that she does actually know that she is losing it, even though she fights it some times....

Loss is part of life. I'm tired of loss...

--me