Tuesday, July 21, 2009
July 21,2009... The last
This will be my last post here. Mom passed away July 13, 2009. I had spent at least 12 hrs a day with her from July 6th until the moment she passed at 2:41pm on the 13th. My wife had been with us several hours each evening. It was peaceful. My sister and I were with her when she went. My other sister and brother had been on the way. Everyone had been with her in the last couple weeks. My brother had been with her from saturday night until about 11am on Monday, when my other sister decided she wanted to be there, and he went to get her. Mom passed while they were en route.
It was a struggle for me to decide to let her go, and on Friday the 10th I had serious doubts about the decision. I spoke with the hospice nurse, and she re-conferred with the Drs. She called me later, and said that she also had some doubt, but after talking to the drs they reconfirm to me what the Drs had said early in the week. At the encouraging of my wife I spoke with a preeminent geriatric psychologist on Saturday morning. He helped me to accept the things that I had decided to do.
In the last day, I told mom how much I loved her, and that it was ok to go and that she would be better and with God. She was holding on for something, and that's where God stepped in. It was a God thing that I decided to run out to pick up something at the drug store, and the hopsice pastor was sitting in his car next to my car. He saw me and asked after mom, as he had been on vacation and was not aware of her condition. When I told him of her status, he asked if he could pray for us and her. When he prayed, I could hear mom's breathing change. It was about an hour after that, while my sister and I were playing Christmas music that mom liked when she was living with me at the beginning of last year, that her breathing simply slowed, she relaxed, and she passed. I wept. I thanked God for salvation, for mom's salvation, for my salvation, and for taking her to be with Him. I can't wait to be there too.
I have had company since she passed, and it is just beginning to settle into me soul that she is gone. I still have work to do with her stuff and her estate. That will take time.
When I started this blog originally, I was tracking my progress one day at a time through the loss of my marriage, son, and life savings. At one point after dad died I deleted the posts, and then started again after mom was moved to the care facility she lived in.
When I was reading to Mom in her last days, I found the bible in her room that she had given to dad. It had Romans 8:28 written in the cover with the date that Mom gave it to Dad. That verse says: "All things work together to the good of those that love God, and are called according to His purpose." Many times we take the first part of that verse to make us feel better about what we might be going through. But to me the key to that verse is the second part. It is only when we are called to God's purpose and willing to be His servants that things will be for the good. I was lucky, to have been able to be in a place to care for mom in the last year or so of her life. Dad was spared after he had cared for her so long. I have been blessed with loved ones that are there for me, to help with the things that I have been through. I don't know if there is something else that God has for me to do, but I'm willing to be called according to His purposes, and I know that if I am called things will work and be good. Love God, Love others. I'm not perfect at this but I am trying to get better each day.
If you read this and don't know God, I hope you find that relationship. Read the bible chronologically. Read the stories, and get to know God and Jesus. The words in that book are living and will change your life if you spend enough time to simply read it through. Pick a translation that is easy to read, so that the wording does not get in the way of the stories. And don't try to interpret it, just read it. If you are open to the relationship that God really wants with you, the things that you need to get from it will come to you.